Driven

My brother is about to take the board exams for nursing. He just got back from a 10 hour study sesh this evening and was telling me about how worried he is about taking it. It's par for par for newbee nursing grads he says. Hair falls out, teeth crumble, and sleep neglected. He was telling me stories about classmates, and coworkers who've all experienced this epic moment, about a friend, who sat in her car catatonic for an hour after she'd taken it, and I could tell it's getting to him. He's been studying like this for the past two months, vacant from all conversations that have nothing to do with nursing. He's committed to this test, and has been since he started his journey into nursing two years ago.

The kind of passion I see in him I hope to someday find myself, in whatever it is I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life.

But how do people get there? How is it my brother transplanted himself from a world where he was ordering kegs to the backyard of friend's houses on weekdays, to becoming so serious and dedicated to a single personal vision?

I think about those two asian jouralists who were recently pardoned from a North Korean prison. How could anyone be so SURE the story they wanted to tell would be worth the risks involved? Is it somthing they decided to commit to? Something they just stumbled into? Where does the passion really lie? More importantly, do they think it was worth it now?

Im asking this because at 31, I still haven't found that 'thing.' I work in a coffee shop. I take reservations at a hotel. I'm a drumming instructor, a freelance designer, and a somewhat of a tech nerd. I've been a cook, recreation director, film coordinator, aquarist, marketing assistant, furniture mover, a leader, a follower, and an observer. Since I've had jobs, I've always managed at least two, sometimes three of them. The thing is, there are so many THINGS out there to get lost in, but the culmination of them doesn't add up to a single vision. Do i shave them down? Deny the curiosity? There's this saying that has always haunted me because a part of me knows it to be true: Do just one thing, but learn to do it REALLY WELL. I hate that saying. If I do ingnore the other urges picking just one, does that mean I'll finally find my path? Is that how it works? If I don't am i destined for mediocraty?